I’ve never thought of newspaper headlines as a source of high entertainment let alone a literary art form, but the only daily paper in our area has taught me otherwise.
Before we moved to the Upper Valley, we were spoiled. Every morning we would walk out our front door to the curb – maybe thirty feet – and pick up not one, not two, but three morning newspapers. We lived in a suburb of Chicago, so we got the Chicago Tribune. It used to be a good paper, but Sam Zell put that to rest. Being a sports fan, a Cubs fan, I needed to read the Sports Section. Peg had to have the New York Times. I had to have the Wall Street Journal. During political seasons, we would have interesting discussions after I read the Journal OpEd pages and Peg read the Times OpEd pages.
But here in rural Vermont, home delivery of the Times and Journal isn’t available, ditto the Tribune (as if). So, shortly after we moved in, we signed up for home delivery of the local daily, Valley News. Now we walk out our front door, down the driveway to the mailbox, maybe 300 yards, and get the much slimmer morning newspaper. We usually turn on the coffee maker before making the trek, and by the time we’ve returned with the paper (and the previous day’s mail), the pot is ready.
We are both BIG fans of the Valley News. It has introduced us to our new home. We’ve learned the names of towns, schools, businesses, important (and not-so-important) people in the Upper Valley. We’ve read local stories that are touching, twisted, too crazy to be true. Typically, whoever brings in the paper gets the first section first, but it really doesn’t matter, because we usually breeze through it in only a matter of minutes.
One reason we like the VN – you never know when it’s going to delight you. Last fall, the headline one day (and I’m paraphrasing) was “DHMC to Add 29 Beds”. DHMC is the Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center – a HUGE (for the area) hospital and one of the largest employers in the area.
Below the headline, maybe two paragraphs in, the story went on to report that one area of the hospital was going to add 24 beds, while another area was also going to add 15 beds (again, I’m paraphrasing). Hmmm. Is it 29 beds or 39 beds?
Well, it turns out we’ve gotten to know a member of the VN editorial staff. We’ll call him John. About a week after the DHMC story, John and his wife (we’ll call her Eve) were over for dinner. At some point during the evening, I pointed out the math problem to John – in good spirit, I felt it made the VN more interesting to find tidbits like that.
The next day, the VN ran a correction to the story. Wow.
Saturday night, we met John and Eve at the new Pine restaurant at the Hanover Inn. (Warning – if you’re in the area and are looking for dinner, leave plenty of time if you choose Pine.) Towards the end of the meal, Peg asked John if he was responsible for one of the greatest headlines we’ve ever read. John immediately knew what she was asking about and said, “Some headlines just write themselves.”
Goat Poop
I have to admit, when I opened the paper at the mailbox on the morning of August 22nd, and saw the front page, I laughed out loud. Moreover, when I got to work about two hours later, it was the first question my boss, Bob, asked me, “Did you see the headline?” We chuckled together.
Back to our dinner conversation – Peg pulled out a clipping she had put in her wallet from a later paper. A woman from Pomfret wrote in:
“I am not aware of a Pulitzer Prize for headline writing, but there ought to be one, and your headline composer should win, without a doubt.
Many days, I scan the front page of the Valley News whispering the headlines to myself for their captivating messages. They are so much more satisfying than the news that follows.
But Thursday’s headline took the cake. Is there a newspaper in the free world that would lead the day’s news with “Manure Pile Spontaneously Combusts at Windsor Goat Farm”?
Congratulations!”
The letters to the Editor in the VN can be priceless, but that story is probably another posting.
For those who are wondering, the manure pile at Savage Hart Farm (from last winter) has been distributed in the woods behind the barn yard. If it goes up, it will take the trees with it.
Todd