The Mailbox Tease

You know spring is in the air despite more forecasts of frosty nights and snow showers when catalogs you never heard of start showing up in the mailbox with women in gauzy windswept dresses and men in jaunty stripes. Why are we getting one called Guideboat Co. with the tagline “Ply the Waters” which features on the cover a bearded male model in throwback shorts, a man tailored shirt with sleeves rolled up just so, reclining in a wooden canoe, a book and reading glasses by his side? For $285, I can buy a washed selvage denim jacket “cut and sewn in Los Angeles”.  What’s the calling card there? LA? Give me a break.  The pages are heavy, the cost to print and ship couldn’t have been cheap. Don’t they have some better way to scan for prospects beside zip code? There must be some way for them to know in advance that Peggy Allen doesn’t fantasize about tipping over in a canoe with a hottie (because that is what would happen), doesn’t spend a dime on wardrobe, and ranks catalog shopping right up there with ironing 120 linen napkins, which I will be doing as soon as I can stand to.  All these obscure overpriced catalogues get shoved in the recycling bin leaving room on my desk to pour over the ones I really care.

Why doesn’t Guildboat Co., crosscheck the catalogs we get and that we actually order from? Surely they’d know in an instant we’re not their customer if they knew we not only get but buy from Premier One Sheep Supply, Jeffers Veterinary Supplies, and Pipestone Veterinary Supply. In addition to getting the basics like hoof clippers, needles, and syringes I pour over the description of stuff I never knew existed and somehow feel we must have.  The Gravity Flow Nipple Connector Kit, Tough Guy Automatic Float Waterer and Roy-L-Animal Warmer are just some of the items that catch my interest as I pour through the crammed pages loaded with gizmos and gadgets that fascinate and educate me. Now if Guildboat had done some research, that denim jacket might have had a chance if the model was down on her knees trying to help a two hour old lamb find it’s mom’s teat.

Peggy

Leave a Comment